In Springtide’s site visits for our What’s Working project, leaders shared their wisdom and insights from years of experience in youth ministry. Five themes—fun, purpose, inclusivity, integrity, and adaptability—shaped our inquiries during these visits. While these are universal concepts, each manifested differently in both theory and practice, providing a rich landscape of best practices in youth ministry. 

Leaders we interviewed for this project continually mentioned the importance of integrity. If an adult doesn’t act honestly, authentically, and transparently, leaders say the chance for real and meaningful connection with young people vanishes. Those working with youth must repeatedly commit to showing up as their full selves, so young people can do the same.  

Leaders can infuse integrity at the beginning of an interaction with young people by simply making it easy to interact. GatherDC employs relationship-based engagement to connect with young Washington, DC-area Jews, and Managing Director Alexandra Tureau Meyer says that building trust starts with meeting young people where they are emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes, physically.  

“[Relationship-based engagement in practice] can look like reducing the barrier to someone’s travel time and where they’re going,” Alexandra says. “Young adults are the first to say, ‘Hi, I’m busy. Like, I can’t meet.’ So how do we just make it easy for them to say yes to a conversation? We’re the ones who travel across town. We’ll meet in the coffee shop that you like best. Whatever that is, we want to reduce that barrier.” 

Once connections are made, leaders we interviewed say adults can build stronger bonds with young people by showing up authentically. 

“I think there is this anxiety among adults that they have to be the cool kid in town in order to relate with [young people],” says Chris Dela Cruz, Together Lab’s director of youth initiatives. “And this may be obvious for many, but just to say out loud—those young folks know you’re not of their generation. And to find points of reliability doesn’t mean having to not be who you are. And in fact, in that bridging, there’s actually an appreciation of different experiences.” 

In some instances, authenticity means expressing vulnerability—which includes admitting to not knowing all the answers. As director of youth and college ministries at First Presbyterian Church of Ft. Lauderdale Chandler Gelb often receives “humbling, insightful, and thoughtful” questions that make her step back and think critically—and she doesn’t hesitate to say, “I’ll have to think about that and get back to you.” 

“Their inquisitive nature gives me the ability to question God humbly as well and go, ‘I don’t really understand why this is happening in the world’ or ‘Hey, this piece of scripture really doesn’t make sense’ or ‘It doesn’t sit well with me.’” Chandler says. “And doing it from a place of curiosity and seeking to understand is something that our teenagers do so well. They’re also incredibly authentic and can tell if you’re not being [authentic], so they keep me very honest about who I am because they will call you out if you are not being yourself, or if you’re trying to be somebody that you’re not. And so they keep you on your toes.” 

Yet, leaders we interviewed say intentionally employing a different way of relating to young people gives them the chance to be the leaders they didn’t have in their childhoods. As pastor of Second Reformed Church, Eric Barnes usually shows up to Tuesday Morning Bible Reading for teens casually dressed in a hoodie and ballcap. He believes it’s important that young people see that the person from Tuesday morning is also the same person in the pulpit on Sunday morning.  

“I was joking on Sunday with one of our sixth graders who came and said something about the film crew coming [to film the interview for the What’s Working project] and they said to me, ‘I really hope you mess up a name on something.’ And I was like, ‘What? What’s wrong with you?’ In very much a joking way, and I made some comment about I would’ve never dared speak to my pastor that way. But growing up, I also wouldn’t have spoken to my pastor at all.” Eric says. “Growing up, there was a disconnect. We had our youth pastor, and the pastor was sort of—he wasn’t uninterested in young people, but was just in a different space, in a different world. And so, I think to have the person who’s in the pulpit also connecting with the youth … it’s just really important. I think it speaks volumes, it gives them ownership of the space.” 

SD United co-Leaders Melissa Tucker and Marshela Salgado-Solorio work to infuse authenticity and real connection in every facet of their youth group, also allowing young people to feel ownership of the group. Marshela says SD United is the youth group she’d wished she’d had as a girl, and seeing young people benefit from the space they’ve created —and the richness of the relationships there—fulfills and energizes her. 

“There’s weeks where I walk into the space, I’m like, ‘I’m so tired. I’m rush, rush, rush, just picked up my kids just did all of this, and I’m just really tired.’ And I’m like, ‘Okay, now youth group,’” Marshela says. “But then I walk out [of youth group,] and I’m so pumped. I have to go home and veg out because I walk out with so much excitement, with so much just energy because of how things went over the night. And seeing these students just love on each other, seeing the volunteers also loving the space and the students. And they’re finding healing too in volunteering, probably in the same way that I am in having hope for the students that we work for.”

Authentically connecting to young people 

Sometimes adults feel they have to show up differently to fully connect with young people. Yet, both adults and young people in ministry spaces say it’s more important to bring one’s authentic self to the table so honesty and transparency serve as the core of the relationship. Listen to Pastor Eric Barnes and Sophie, a student who attends Tuesday Morning Bible Reading with Eric talk about what it means to connect with authenticity.